Lent

Have you ever practiced the old tradition of Lent? Do you plan to do this year? If so, what are you giving up? And, more importantly, what are you vowing to focus on -- to be more disciplined in -- until Easter this year?

I read an interesting piece on Lent recently that helped me prepare for it this year. Ironically, Lent begins this year on my birthday (Feb 25th). My birthday is always an excuse to sleep in, eat what I know I shouldn't, etc., so I considered then putting on my practice of lent to the following day. But then I considered how appropriate it would be to start on the 25th. I celebrate 36 years of life tomorrow, and have been thinking a lot about my life and where I'm headed as I inch closer to 40. What better way to set new goals and focus on having more discipline in areas I am weak, than to start my 37th year of life vowing to give up something and put more focus on something else. What better way to refocus my life, as I seek the Lord's direction, than to get back to basics and focus on the intimacy of my relationship with Christ through the practice of self denial and discipline.

So what am I giving up? I'm giving up television (at least through the day time). I've found, now that I'm a stay at home mommy, that I spend much of my day with the television on. It runs in the background all day, "entertains me" when I don't feel like doing what I know I should be, and interrupts the quality time I should be spending with my infant daughter. I'm going to discipline myself keep the TV off until the evening (and even then only for programs my husband and I enjoy), so that I can do all the other things I always tell myself I should be doing.

I'm also giving up simple carbs, sweets and snacking. While I've always avoided calling my cravings gluttony, that's what it is. The eating of excess or the indulgence in overeating. Gluttony is basically eating anything your body doesn't need to survive. And, since my husband and I have been talking about eating better and doing what we can to improve our overall health, this seems like a logical thing to give up and a perfect way to focus on self discipline. Jesus gave up His life for me, the very least I can do for him is give up pasta, cookies, etc.

Instead, I intend to put my focus first and foremost on the discipline of simply not wasting every minute before me. Not sleeping in, but rather getting up early to spend the quiet moments of the day in prayer and in communion with God. Not lounging lazily on the couch, but instead grabbing the baby and going for a good walk or playing with her on the floor. Not indulging in useless carbs, but enjoying the simplicty of a fine vegetable and a perfectly grilled piece of salmon (or whatever) while lingering at the dinner table to enjoy the conversation... not the dessert. ;-) And not thinking about all the things I told myself I would do while on maternity leave, but instead actually doing them -- scrapbooking, writing more, soaking up every minute with my infant daughter, being the best wife possible to my overworked and underpaid husband, and ultimately, growing closer to the One who saved me and gives me life.

I am

I saw a commercial the other day that intrigued me. It's for a new TV network for "boomer" women called Viva. After listening to the women on the commercial describe themselves in this creative way, it got me thinking about how I would describe myself in the same fashion. I tried to find the commercial online so you could see it, but couldn't find it. However, I did come up with my own list... so here it goes.

I am a ...
God following
bible reading
life embracing
true love finding
meal cooking
home making
silly song singing
blog writing
family cherishing
belly laughing
friendship seeking
joyfully mothering
holiday celebrating
photograph taking
coffee loving
music listening
movie watching
television viewing
travel desiring
worship leading
imagination creating
honest speaking
decor designing
husband adoring
gift givint
hug relishing
game playing
chocolate eating
slightly greying
and hopefully gracefully aging
Christian (not VIVA) woman.

Describe yourself!

Give me a "T"!

So I was reading Sharon's blog, and she did this... it sounded like fun and a bit of a challenge, so I left a comment on her blog. She then sent me a letter... the letter "T".

If you want to participate, leave a comment on this post and I will assign you a letter. You then write about 10 things you love that begin with the assigned letter and post them on your blog. When people comment on your posted list, you give them a letter and the chain continues on and on...

Then Things I Love...

1. Tacos. No list for me would be complete without expressing my love for tacos, or bascially anything Mexican! ;-) I could live on tacos, or pretty much anything with a tortilla!

2. Toes. More specifically, baby toes. I've always loved baby toes, and now that I have my own little one, I can't get enough of her little toes! They are so cute!!!

3. Tornadoes. I'm fascinated by tornadoes, and would love to be a storm chaser. "Twister" is one of my favorite movies.

4. Trees. I love trees... big, full, looming trees. That's one of the things I love about where we live... the big huge trees. In fact, my husband proposed to me under "our tree" at Stanley Park, and then had a water color painting done of the tree for a wedding gift.

5. Television. Ok, I admit it. I am a TV junkie. I enjoy a good crime scene drama (CSI, Law & Order, the Mentalist, etc.), enjoy curling up with my hubby on Saturday mornings to watch cartoons or the latest cheesy TV movie, etc.

6. Travelling. Being an MK, I can never stay very long anywhere. If I can't physically move somewhere, then I have to travel. I love road trips especially.

7. Typing. I love to write, but hate writing anything by hand. I think so much better when I'm typing. Even letters to my family... it has to be typed or I go blank. It's a good thing that's what I do for a living eh? ;-)

8. Tandoori Chicken! I love anything India (2nd only to Mexican), but Tandoor Chicken is my favorite. Wrap it up in some naan bread and add that cool, green dipping sauce (can't remember what that's called) and I'm yours.

9. Tea, specifically iced tea. That's all I order when we are out for dinner, and I ensure I have a pitcher of it in the fridge at home all the time.

10. Tulips. Since I grew up in Ecuador, where the tulip was rarely seen, I love getting tulips from my husband. They are so colourful and just scream "Spring!"

A new appreciation...

I now have a new appreciation for the role of a single parent. My soon-to-be 3 month old daughter is sick, very sick, with her first cold, and never before have I been so grateful to have a partner in this journey. It's made me wonder how single parents survive when they have no one to lean on and give them some relief! Dr. James Dobson refers to single parenting as the "toughest job in the universe," and I have to agree. I don't know how I would manage if I didn't have my husband to help me out, give me a break, and worry alongside me.

So here's to all you single parents out there... may you be blessed beyond measure for the difficult role you have in caring for your children on your own. And to those who know a single parent... may you be challenged, as I have been, to offer help, support, and love!

Friday Love List

It's Friday, and that likely means my friend Sharon will be blogging her traditional "Friday Love List"! I look forward to reading it, and sometimes create my own. Since she hasn't yet posted hers... I figured I'd do one first!

1. A good cup of coffee.
2. Cuddles with my 12 week old.
3. Watching my husband play with our daughter.
4. Emails and phone calls from home.
5. Reconnecting with old friends.
6. Mondays - our day off together as a family.
7. Baking and creating things in the kitchen.
8. Making our house a home.
9. Blogging, writing and putting my creative juices to work.
10. Playing Wordscraper with the Rachels (two of them) on Facebook!
11. Good movies.
12. The perfect picture (photo).
13. Warm socks, comfy PJs and no place to go for the night.
14. Inspiration.
15. Celebrating silly holidays (did you know today is National Nothing Day?)

What do you love?

Parenthood: the Lesson of a Lifetime

I recently enrolled in the hardest class of my life. The teacher? My daughter, Abigail. My mother always said that children end up teaching you much more than you teach them, but I never really believed that to be true until my daughter entered the world. At two months of age, she’s already opening my eyes to new things each day, and teaching me more about myself and what truly matters in life.

I’m learning to find pleasure in simple things. It’s amazing how your perspective changes when you have children. Through my daughter I’m discovering the world again. Things I’ve taken for granted, like the intricate details of my fingers, the glow of a lamp, or the way shadows dance on the wall, I’m seeing again through Abbie’s eyes. Suddenly the materialism of the world, and the need I once had to be entertained by the latest gadget or movie, have been replaced by the joy of watching my daughter discover the world around her.

I’m learning to take time to play, and rest. Before my daughter came into our lives, my husband and I were on a roller coaster ride of busy schedules, and overloaded lives. But something about having a baby has forced us both to re-evaluate our schedules, to slow down and take time for fun and rest. The life of a baby is simple, play, eat, sleep. Nothing more is needed, and through Abbie we are learning to take time simply to stop and rest.

I’m learning that I can’t do it on my own. I’ve always prided myself in being an independent woman, able to do things on my own and rely on no one. But when I gave birth to my daughter, I was suddenly met with the reality that I can’t do everything on my own. I’ve had to learn to ask for help, express need, and rely on the fellowship of others like never before. And I’m learning that that’s okay. We aren’t designed to travel through life alone.

I’m learning to give up control. I love control. I am an organized perfectionist, and my home has always reflected this. I live by schedules and routines, and make lists and rely on calendars to organize my life. But when my daughter came into my life, suddenly the control I once had was gone. No longer could I obsessively clean, or live by a tight schedule of tasks and activities. I’ve had to learn to relax, even with a sink full of dishes! This doesn’t mean my house has turned into a mess of laundry, clutter and chaos, but it does mean that I’m learning to accept that the dusting may not get done, or that I may not always look my best.

I’m learning just how selfish I really am. I never really considered myself to be a selfish person until Abbie entered my life. But it turns out I am. Each day my daughter teaches me to be selfless; to put her needs, and the responsibilities I now have at home, above my own needs. I knew this would be the case in theory, but putting this into practice day in and day out is hard. I’ve found moments when I’ve resented my inability to do my own thing. Through Abbie I’m learning the joy of selfless devotion and sacrificial love.

But above all else, I’m learning to trust and pray. Never before have I felt so inadequate, so out of control, so overwhelmed, and so dependent on the Lord. I’ve always been someone deeply rooted in my faith in God. I’ve seen Him do amazing things, and have trusted Him in times when my husband and I struggled through deep valleys. But the birth of our daughter has tested my faith in ways I never imagined. Each day I’m forced on my knees, crying out to the Lord for wisdom, patience, peace and selfless love. And each day He rewards me with the smiles of an infant who has taught me more in her few short week so of life, then I have learned in my 35 years on this earth. She’s the best teacher I could ever ask for, and I look forward to many more years of learning as I cling to God’s faithfulness and trust Him for her future.

A year in review...

I read this on Sharon's blog, and then on Meghan's. I enjoyed both of their reviews and agreed it was a good exercise in looking back before looking forward.

1. What did you do in 2008 that you’d never done before?

Got pregnant and had a baby! What a shock and life-changing event that has been!

2. Did you keep your new year’s resolutions, and will you make more for next year?

I don't really make resolutions, but rather focus on a theme for what I want to work on or focus on for that year. 2008 was a year of "discipline" (see my post on it). It didn't turn out the way I thought it would, due in large part to the baby we found out was on the way not long after the year began, but it was a year of discipline none-the-less.

3. Did anyone close to you give birth?

Yes! Me! LOL. Aside from that, several women I work with had babies in 2008.

4. Did anyone close to you die?

No, but there were several deaths last year that made an impact on me. The first being the sudden death of a close friend's husband. Another being the death of a member from our church. And the final one being the death of Steven Curtis Chapman's little girl, Maria. In each case, I saw God move and learned about His faithfulness in times of storm.

5. What countries did you visit?

Only the USA.

6. What would you like to have in 2009 that you lacked in 2008?

A better sense of God's calling in my life and in our life as my husband and I take stock of the past year, ponder our future and seek His will for us when it comes to our family and our ministry.

7. What dates from 2008 will remain etched upon your memory, and why?

February 18th - the day I found out I was pregnant (read the story here).

May 21st - the day Steven Curtis Chapman's daughter died, made all that more poignant given that we had just learned we were having a girl.

October 22nd - the day our baby girl was born.

8. What was your biggest achievement of the year?

I'm going to sound like a broken record through this review I think! My biggest acheivement in 2008 was carrying and delivering a healthy baby girl!

9. What was your biggest failure?

Not trusting God enough when my faith was tested.

10. Did you suffer illness or injury?

Nope. I was the healthiest I have ever been while I was pregnant. Amazing huh?

11. What was the best thing you bought?

The family portraits we had done for Christmas. Never thought I'd live to see the day that our family pictures would be more than just me and my hubby!

12. Whose behavior merited celebration?

My husband's. Through the labour and delivery of our little girl he was my rock. (See more here.)

13. Whose behavior made you appalled and depressed?

I'll have to think that one through. Nothing comes to mind at the moment.

14. Where did most of your money go?

Again... the baby!

15. What did you get really, really, really excited about?

Once I got over the shock of it all, I'd have to say that our little Abigail Joy got me really excited! ;-) Our trip home for Christmas, to introduce Abbie to my family, is also high on my list of excitements in 2008!

16. What song will always remind you of 2008?

"Cinderella" by Steven Curtis Chapman for the reasons stated above.

17. Compared to this time last year, are you:?
a) happier or sadder?
b) thinner or fatter?
c) richer or poorer?

Happier, surprisingly thinner (especially given I just had a baby 2 months ago) and poorer thanks to the newest addition and my maternity leave!

18. What do you wish you’d done more of?

More time with God; more time with friends; more quality time with my husband; more time resting in God's faithfulness rather than worrying about the future.

19. What do you wish you’d done less of?

Again, less worrying about what I could not control.

20. How did you spend Christmas?

In Ontario with my family, as we celebrated not only the holidays, but also my parents 40th wedding anniversary.

21. Did you fall in love in 2008?

Yes. All over again to the love of my life... my husband and friend of 11 years.

22. What was your favorite TV program?

Not one, but several. Heroes, Prison Break, Fringe, NCIS, and The Big Bang Theory top the list.

23. Do you hate anyone now that you didn’t hate this time last year?

Nope.

24. What was the best book you read?

"What To Expect When You're Expecting" - yes, really. It was a God send as I waded through the pregnancy and tried to understand and look ahead to all that was happening to me.

25. What was your greatest musical discovery?

Can't think of anything.

26. What did you want and get?

A family; a baby. Still can't believe I'm writing those words.

27. What did you want and not get?

A trip to Europe (specifically Italy) for our 10th annivesary. Instead, we had a baby.

28. What was your favorite film of this year?

"The Dark Knight" with Heath Ledger. Amazing.

29. What did you do on your birthday, and how old were you?

I turned 35 on the 25th of February. One week after finding out I was pregnant. Best birthday gift ever.

30. What one thing would have made your year immeasurably more satisfying?

Nothing.

31. How would you describe your personal fashion concept in 2008?

Comfortable and roomy. ;-)

32. What kept you sane?

My husband. Again, he was my rock; my parents, and everyone who prayed me through 9 months of a high risk pregnancy.

33. Which celebrity/public figure did you fancy the most?

Did I "fancy the most?" Ha ha. Hum... Steven Curtis would be on the top of the list. I'm also continually intrigued by the Jolie-Pitts.

34. What political issue stirred you the most?

I hate politics, but the US election (while irritating towards the end) was fascinating to watch unfold.

35. Who did you miss?

My family; my mom. Having a baby will do that to you. I hate being so far away.

36. Who was the best new person you met?

No one comes to mind, but I'm sure there is someone.

37. Tell us a valuable life lesson you learned in 2008.

That God is faithful. I knew this, of course, in my head, but 2008 was a year that tested my faith and taught me, in ways I wasn't expecting, of God's amazing faithfulness.

38. Quote a song lyric that sums up your year.

From Steven Curtis Chapman`s song, `Bring It On.`

Now, I don’t want to sound like some hero
‘Cause it’s God alone that my hope is in
But I’m not gonna run from the very things
That would drive me closer to Him
So bring it on

What God Did

I just did something I never thought I’d get a chance to do. I just finished decorating a birthday cake for my daughter. At the beginning of this year, if you had told me that in November I’d be celebrating the first month of my baby’s life, I would have laughed in your face much like Sara did when the angel told Abraham she’s have a son. After 10 years of marriage, my husband and I had all but given up on the idea of having our own children. In fact, we were starting the adoption process when we found out we were pregnant. As we learned, God has a sense of humour (you can read more about this in my previous posts “The Unexpected Day” Part 1 and 2).

However that’s not all we’ve learned throughout the course of this year. As the reality of our pregnancy sunk in, a new reality began taking shape. At 35 years of age, with high blood pressure and a few other health concerns, we were facing a high risk pregnancy. My life changed overnight, and for the next nine months we prayed our way through regular blood pressure checks, glucose monitoring, countless ultrasounds, blood tests, non-stress tests and more. The risks were high, for me and the baby, and even on the day she was born we weren’t sure if either of us were going to make it. Our baby girl is a living, breathing miracle. A testimony of God’s faithfulness, and proof of the power of prayer.

From the moment we found out we were pregnant, we started to pray and had others join us in prayer. Right from the start the odds were stacked up against us. I was told to expect that I’d develop gestational diabetes. I was ordered to take it easy and put on medication to help with my blood pressure, all the while being told the scary truth of what high blood pressure could mean in pregnancy. My doctor even all but guaranteed that, if I made it through, the baby would be born by caesarean section. Being faced with such sobering news was overwhelming, and I remember going home after that first week of doctor’s visits in tears. Scared, completely overwhelmed and still in shock at what was happening, I had no other alternative than to turn to the Lord and trust that He knew what He was doing!

The journey for the next nine months was full of anxious doctor’s visits, and praise report after praise report as we sat back and watched God do what He does best. Prayers were said for us from every corn of the world, and as we journeyed through the pregnancy we saw evidence of the power of those prayers along the way. Not one of the doctor’s predictions came true, and in fact I ended the pregnancy healthier than when I started!

But the power of prayer was most evident to us at the end when our daughter was born. After waiting for two days to be induced into labour, I was finally admitted and induced on Monday, October 20th. We were ecstatic and expected that our baby would be born later that night or early the next morning. However, what started as excitement quickly turned to anxiety as the hours stretched on and on with little progress. By Tuesday night, when the second induction was forced on me (along with an epidural that I had hoped to avoid), I was exhausted and the doctor started to express concern. Threats of a c-section loomed before us once again, and we started to pray harder.

In the wee hours of Wednesday morning, after 38 hours of labour I was finally told I could start pushing. Not knowing where I’d find the energy, my husband started to pray (as did his mother, who was awakened around that time with an urge to pray for me). Two hours later, despite the doctor’s certainty that he’d have to intervene at some point, and a scary moment when the baby’s head got “stuck” and she started showing signs of being in distress, God saw fit to give me a sudden burst of energy and I pushed with strengthen no one thought I had to bring our daughter into the world. Every person in the room cheered as the baby made her entrance. “I didn’t think you would do it,” the doctor said to me. “God did” is all I could say.

Ten months later I sit here, in the comfort and warmth of our little townhouse, and listen to the stirring of my infant daughter. We named her Abigail, which means “the father’s joy,” and we have started a new prayer for her... that she would truly be a joy to HIM, as she grows and learns what He did for her. God is good.

(For a play by play of the delivery, visit our family blog at Laus R Us)

A new journey...

When I started this blog, I did so with the intent of sharing my life journey as a daughter, sister, wife (pastor's wife) and follower of Jesus. Never in a million years did I dream that I'd be adding to my list of life experiences the title "mother."

About nine months ago, my husband and I began a new journey... a very unexpected journey. (You can read more about it in my posts "The Unexpected Day" part one and two.) Now, as a I sit here listening to the fussy cry of my newborn daughter, I find myself on a new journey... a humbling, challenging, often frustrating but always rewarding journey... the journey of parenthood.

But before I begin sharing what God is teaching me on the parenting adventure, I must share the "rest of the story" in how He brought us through nine months of a high risk pregnancy, 40 hours of intense labour, and a scary moment of delivery in the birth of our daughter... Abigail Joy. Stay tuned as I relay what God did.

He is Amazing...

(As posted on our family blog - Lausrus.blogspot.com)

I need to brag a little... not about Abbie Joy (although I could do that for hours too), but about my amazing husband. Sherman and I have been married for 10 years, 11 months, and I can honestly say that never before have I been more proud, more grateful, more amazed by him than I am right now.

His help with Abbie has been invaluable to me, his encouragement for me (especially when I melt down) has been uplifting, and his overall calm and gentle approach to Abbie and her fussiness has melted my heart. From the beginning of this journey, through the traumatic 40 hours of labour and heart-pounding delivery, Sherman has amazed me. Through the birth he was my cheerleader, my prayer warrior, my reminder that "this too shall pass." When the doctor finally declared that we were both "alright", he was my teddy bear -- melting into tears and expressing over and over how proud he was of me and of Abbie. Through the sleepness nights in the hospital, battles over breastfeeding and the overload of information coming from the nurses, he was my warrior and protector. In the recovery at home and the adjustment in finding a routine for our new family, he's been my saviour, my confidant and my shoulder to cry on. And even now, as I look over and see my baby cuddled up in her daddy's arms, he is my rescuer after a long day with her! I can't say enough about the man I married... he's amazing...