I learned something new on Saturday night – something unexpected and humbling. I stink. Yes, I stink.
Just as I am without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me. And that thou bidst me come to Thee, O Lamb of God I come. Just as I am, poor, wretched and blind; sight, riches, healing of the mind. Yet all I need in Thee to find, O Lamb of God I come. I come. ~Charlotte Elliot, 1789-1871
Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. It is the star to every wandering bark, whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come. Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved.
My oldest nephew just turned four. He's adorable, funny, smart and inquisitive, as most kids his age are, but lately he's been asking a question that has surprised me; a question that has made me think carefully about life, God and the inner need we all have to be loved and accepted by those who matter most. His question is simply, "Daddy, am I your favorite?"Ever heard of Paul Potts? Chances are if you have been watching the news or entertainment headlines you have. But I was introduced to him today thanks to a colleague who told me his inspiring story. Intrigued by the story, I went home after work and quickly logged on to YouTube to see what all the fuss was about. I get it now.
Born in 1971 in the South Wales, Paul struggled with self confidence early on thanks to the bullying he endured from other kids at school. According to interviews he's done recently, he found singing as a way to escape the bullying and slowly began to love opera. In 1999 he entered a music contest and, although he did not win, he did place and took home some money which paid for singing lessons in Italy. But his dreams of an operatic career were shattered in 2003 when an accident left him bed ridden for two years. He was told he's never sing again.
In 2003 while on the road to recovery he met and married his wife Julie and started working as a mobile phone salesman. Struggling with his self confidence and yet still dreaming about singing, he told his coworkers about his love for singing opera. They encouraged him to audition for "Britain's Got Talent." And that's when the world was introduced to Paul Potts:
He may not look like he has much to offer, and even he admits that he's still working on rebuilding the confidence that was stripped away from him by the bullies of his youth. But with the support of his friends and wife who pushed him to follow his dreams, Paul Potts is a testimony to all of us. Don't judge a book by it's cover, and don't let adversity keep you from being who you were born to be.
P.S. For those unfamiliar with Paul Potts, as I was, he went on to win "Britain's Got Talent" and has signed a recording deal. Watch for this 36-year-old diamond in the rough... we'll be seeing a lot more of him!
Apparently I've been "tagged." I didn't realize it until I logged on, by chance, to Meghan's blog, but none-the-less "I'm it"! The rules are as follows:
1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
3. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names.
4. You may need to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.
So here it goes:
1. I am a neat-freak, especially when it comes to my house. Everything has its place, I clean constantly and find joy in cleaning and seeing the house spotless.
2. I was a horrible child. Between the ages of 6 and 9 I gave my parents a serious run for their money. They actually wondered at some point if I was demon-spawned! ;-) Through those years I cheated, stole, lied, abused, bullied, etc. and even got a boy in my 3rd grade class expelled for something I claimed he did (but he didn't do).
3. I love public speaking but am horribly shy and avoid crowds. Given the opportunity to address a crowd on a topic I am passionately about, I enjoy the challenge of crafting and delivering a message. And yet, I avoid crowds, hate being the center of attention and do everything possible to blend in and not be noticed on a day-to-day basis. Strange, I know.
4. I dream of opening a bed & breakfast/inn somewhere beautiful and welcoming people from all parts of the world.
5. If given the opportunity to quit my job and be a stay-at-home wife (and someday mother), I would quit without a moment's thought. I love being home, caring for my hubby, and supporting my hubby in his ministry.
6. I have a spicy "chocolate chilly pepper marriage!" We are both strong, stubborn, independent people, which makes our marriage spicy; but we are committed, totally in love and passionate about our marriage which coats it in chocolate!
7. I never thought I'd be a pastor's wife, let along serving in a Chinese Church! I certainly don't feel like a pastor's wife...
8. I have eaten guinea pig, climbed an active volcano, straddled the northern and southern hemisphere at the same time, lived through military coups, earthquakes and mudslides and felt the sting of tear gas. Such is the life of a missionary kid! Whoo hoo!
I tag Jenny, Drew, Jim, Andrea, David, and Salla. That's it.
I remember it like it was yesterday. Sitting on a small bed, in a strange room, looking at the iron bars on the window that made the room feel more like a prison, and sobbing over and over “I want to go home!” It was our first night in Ecuador, and I was homesick for Canada and terrified.
Such is the emotional roller coaster of the MK life. Constantly being confronted by new and scary experiences. Always being forced to make new friends, while wondering how long they will be in your life for. Experiencing heart break as friends, who have become like family, come and go. It is a wonderful, exciting, challenging, and bitter-sweet life. And I wouldn’t trade my experience on the mission field for anything.
I was eight years of age when we set foot for the first time in Quito, Ecuador. Old enough to be angry with my parents for tearing me away from my school, my friends and my beloved grand-parents. Old enough to understand how hard it is to make new friends. And, old enough to make sure my parents knew just how angry I was at them. As someone once put it, missionaries are called to the mission field… but missionary kids are drafted.
While I’m not proud to say that I spent our first few years on the field ensuring that my parents “paid” for what they had done to me, I am pleased to say that I got through that rough patch and eventually came to the place where, 10 yeas later, I was literally begging to stay. I attribute that change in heart in part to the amazing teachers at the school my brothers and I attended. Missionaries themselves, their soul purpose on the mission field was to come alongside the MKs to educate, affirm and befriend us in the unique setting we found ourselves in. Today, more than 15 years later, I am still in contact with many of them and honoured to count them as trusted friends.
I also owe my change in heart to my grandparents and the many men, women and churches in North America that supported my parents both financially and through prayer. The prayers they said for me –- especially in those first few years when I gave my parents a hard time –- were crucial, as were their letters, care packages, and extra attention when we returned on furlough. Nothing is more important to a missionary family than constant contact with “home!”
But most importantly, I must acknowledge the tremendous impact of my parents, who though called to a demanding, full-time ministry as missionaries, never once made me feel like I was second fiddle. They did all they could to help me adjust to our new life, provided as normal a life as possible, and made it very clear that their family came first – even if it meant leaving it all to return to North America. I’ve seen first-hand the devastation that can explode in a missionary family when the parents put too high a priority on the work they have been called to and not enough emphasis on the family God has blessed them with. I’m a so grateful that my parents understood this delicate balance.
While I would not have been able to say this at eight years of age, at 34 I can confidently say that my experience as a missionary kid is the best thing that every could have happened to me. I remember with fondness earthquakes and mud slides, climbing volcanoes, eating bugs, military coups, and jungle adventures. I feel honoured to have been part of a close-knit missionary community, to see the hand of God move in miraculous ways, and to hear voices praising God in a variety languages. I am an MK, and I’m proud of it!The call was unexpected. "I'm sorry," John said, "but we won't be able to make it for dinner tonight... Julie's bleeding." The words hung heavy in the air as I absorbed their meaning. Miscarriage. Their third. It was one of those moments when God truly didn’t make sense.
Everyone faces something in their life that makes them ask why. "Why would God allow suffering?" "Why would God let this happen?" "Why do bad things happen to good people?" "Why?" It's hard to understand why a loving God would allow His people to suffer in inexpressible ways. Why when He chooses to bless, does He sometimes choose to take away.
But God doesn’t expect us to know the answer to our question of why. He asks us however to trust Him, even when His plan doesn’t make sense to us. It is through trial that our faith in Him is tested and made stronger. It is through our pain that we see Him in a new and powerful way. We see a God who cares, a God who strengthens, a God whose promises are true, and a God who knows more than we do. We only see a tiny part of the plan, but God sees the whole picture. And because we can’t see what He sees, we must trust Him.
Dr. James C. Dobson in his book When God Doesn’t Make Sense, uses Abraham as an illustration of a time when God didn’t make sense. Abraham and Sarah were infertile, but God had promised Abraham that his descendants would be more than the stars in the sky. So Abraham trusted God, and God proved true by giving them a son even in their old age. Then, when God asked Abraham to sacrifice his son, Abraham again trusted Him and followed God’s instruction. Even when all the facts before him proved that there was no way, God simply asked Abraham to not waver in His unbelief. To put his trust in His promise.
When everything in life is shaken, and makes no sense to us, God wants us to hold onto Him – to hold unto the promise that He will never leave us or forsake us. To hold onto the promise that He knows the plans He has for us – plans not to harm us but to give us hope (Jeremiah 29). He asks us simply that we do not let go – even when it hurts and doesn’t make sense.
This may not make the pain go away, nor will it give us the answers we seek in the moment of crisis, but He does promise to see us through, to give us strength, and to comfort us with His peace. Isaiah 43 says that “when [we] pass through the waters, [He] will be with [us]; and when [we] pass through the rivers, they will not sweep over [us]. When [we] walk through the fire, [we] will not be burned; the flames will not set [us] ablaze. For [He] is the Lord, [our] God, the Holy One of Israel, [our] Saviour… since [we] are precious and honoured in [His] sight, and because [He] loves [us]… [we need] not be afraid for He is with [us]…. He is making a way in the desert and streams in the wasteland.”
This unwavering faith in God is best illustrated in the life or Horatio G. Spafford, author of the well-known hymn “It is Well With My Soul.” He wrote the words to this hymn following two major crises in his own life –- financial bankruptcy and the loss of his four daughters in a tragic accident. After enduring such horrific losses, Spafford surely had reason to question God. But instead he clung to the promise that God was there -- even when life didn’t make sense -- and penned the following words:
When peace, like a river, attendeth my way,
When sorrows like sea billows roll;
Whatever my lot, Thou has taught me to say,
It is well, it is well, with my soul.
Though Satan should buffet, though trials should come,
Let this blessed assurance control,
That Christ has regarded my helpless estate,
And hath shed His own blood for my soul.
My sin, oh, the bliss of this glorious thought!
My sin, not in part but the whole,
Is nailed to the cross, and I bear it no more,
Praise the Lord, praise the Lord, O my soul!
And Lord, haste the day when my faith shall be sight,
The clouds be rolled back as a scroll;
The trump shall resound, and the Lord shall descend,
Even so, it is well with my soul.
