Clearing the Cobwebs

I haven't posted in over a week, but that hasn't been for a lack of trying. Truth is, I've been staring at my blog for days trying to figure out what to write. This journey, of celebrating the random holidays as a way to remember to celebrate life each day, has been more of a challenge than I anticipated. Not because the random holidays have been difficult, but more because I haven't felt much like celebrating lately.

Truth be told, for the past few months I've been doing a lot of "faking." I despise people who aren't genuine, and yet here I am the biggest faker of all. I've been putting on a "happy face" and pretending to celebrate life, but in the spirit of true honesty and openness... I have felt like I've had nothing to celebrate. Note the way I phrased that... I have felt like I've had nothing to celebrate. It's not that I've had nothing to celebrate, but rather that I've been so preoccupied feeling sorry for myself and stuck in the rut of my daily stale routine, that I've felt like I've had nothing to celebrate.

However this past week God has been opening my eyes, and shining a rather harsh light on my life. What I've found when I pulled back the curtains hasn't been pretty. The light has revealed a life that has gotten stagnate, stuck in a rut, and without purpose. I've been so busy caring for my toddler, and getting my husband back on his feet, that I've neglected myself. I've neglected my relationship with God. I've put aside my own growth and passions for the sake of survival. And in so doing I've come dangerously close to the "grass is greener on the other side" temptations than I care to admit. 

But as I sit on the other side now, having seen the cobwebs and having begun the spring cleaning my soul needs, I am feeling a renewed desire to celebrate. And what I've been learning, through friends, a wonderful blog I've been following, and other surprising sources, has been like a breath of fresh air. I'm learning that I must cultivate a heart of gratitude. I'm putting aside my own pettiness and seeing how truly blessed I am. And I'm beginning to understand how important it is for there to be a purpose and a vision for everything -- even a marriage and family. 

So here I am, still blogging. Still trying to remember to celebrate life. Determined to cultivate a heart that is truly grateful (and working toward my own list of 1000 Gifts). Seeking the Lord's purpose, not just for me... but for my marriage and family. And using the random holidays to remind me how blessed life can be.