I will be your witness...

I accomplished something today which was incredibly hard for me. I killed a spider -- and not just any spider mind you.... a HUGE spider (well, I thought it was huge). I was cleaning, and as I made my rounds in the living room I picked up a pillow and was immediately surprised by a spider that had been perfectly content hiding in the comforts of a chair. He ran, and so did I...

As the spider took off for a place of refuge, the couch being the closest hiding place, I screamed and did a dance in the opposite direction. But as I made a dash towards the kitchen it occurred to me that I was the only one home, and that if I didn't do something about this unwelcome visitor he was going to hide in my couch. Suddenly the thought of spending the evening cozied up on the couch didn't sound very appealing!

And so with determination, I gathered up all my courage -- and about 50 of the closest tissues -- and headed for the spider. I grabbed, and he swerved; I screamed and I swear he mocked me. And then, just seconds before he dove under my couch... I squished him! Victorious! I did it! I was pleased.

But as I disposed of the spider, along with the hoard of tissues used to kill him, I was surprised to find myself feeling sad. No one had been there to witness my victory. No one had been there to cheer me on and congratulate me on accomplishing something that I wouldn't normally dare to do. While it wasn't a life altering event by any means, it was important to me none-the-less, and I had no one to share it with at that moment.

I was then reminded of the movie, "Shall We Dance?," and the moving speech Susan Sarandon's character gives about marriage. I love the way she describes what a marriage is: "There's a billion people on the planet, I mean what does any one life really mean? But in a marriage, you're promising to care about everything...the good things, the bad things, the terrible things, the mondane things...all of it, all the time, every day. You're saying... 'Your life will not go unnoticed because I will notice it. Your life will not go unwitnessed, because I will be your witness.'" What a beautiful description of the marriage relationship and the joys of having someone to share in the little and big things that happen to you!

With that reminder in my mind, I headed for the phone and called the one person I knew would be eager to share my victory. He is my witness, and he was -- as I knew he would be -- thrilled with my accomplishment. He rejoices with me in the little things, and together we are a witness to each other's lives. Whether it be spiders or sermons, dishes washed or graduations, I have a witness and I am a witness. I can think of nothing sweeter.

I Stink!

I learned something new on Saturday night – something unexpected and humbling. I stink. Yes, I stink.

On Saturday night I found myself sitting in the chapel at UGM (Union Gospel Mission). I was there to support and observe as my husband and a group of youth from our church led worship before the evening meal was served to the area’s homeless. I came prepared to bless and encourage the men and women who walked through the door, but was unprepared to BE the one who was ministered to.

As men and women filed in to the chapel I quickly became aware of their stench, and I struggled to cope with the aromas assailing my nostrils while smiling and being as “welcoming” as possible. The obvious presence of alcohol, smoke, body odor and other unidentifiable scents filled my head and overwhelmed me, but I plastered on my smile and did my “Christian duty” regardless… all the while thinking in my head "they stink!"

As the service began and the songs of praise and worship filled the chapel, I found a seat towards the back and surveyed the room. They were quiet, some listening, others reading a newspaper or staring blanking at the walls. Men and women, young and old, they had come not for God but for food. I was struck in that moment at how out of place I must have seemed to these people. Dressed comfortably in clothes that were clean, hair well-kept and face washed, I sat and sang with the worship band songs of God’s love and grace… and it hit me. They’re not the ones who stink. I am.

Would I have given these people a second glance if I’d passed them on the street? Was not my thoughts and disgust about their stench more odorous than their uncleanliness? And what about the “whys” of why we were there? Why were we there and even taking pictures of the event, if not to go back to the comfort of our own clean church and report on what we did for God?

It struck me in that moment just how distasteful and unclean my heart and attitude was at that moment in God’s eyes. These were HIS people; the people Jesus ate and communed with when He was on this earth. And I was – in that moment - just as lost and unclean and in need of a Saviour as they were. I was no better than them! If anything, my own stench was offending them AND God.

I spent the rest of our time there being the one who was ministered to. I took more time that night to shake hands with, talk with, and silently pray for these people whom God loved. And after I was overwhelmed by the beauty of their aroma to God, it was with a heavy heart and reality of my own stench that I went home more thankful for God’s love and grace -- a grace I clearly didn’t deserve -- than ever before.

Just as I am without one plea, but that thy blood was shed for me. And that thou bidst me come to Thee, O Lamb of God I come. Just as I am, poor, wretched and blind; sight, riches, healing of the mind. Yet all I need in Thee to find, O Lamb of God I come. I come. ~Charlotte Elliot, 1789-1871

Shakespeare ON Love

Let me not to the marriage of true minds admit impediments. Love is not love which alters when it alteration finds, or bends with the remover to remove: O no! it is an ever-fixed mark that looks on tempests and is never shaken. It is the star to every wandering bark, whose worth's unknown, although his height be taken. Love's not Time's fool, though rosy lips and cheeks within his bending sickle's compass come. Love alters not with his brief hours and weeks, but bears it out even to the edge of doom. If this be error and upon me proved, I never writ, nor no man ever loved.

~William Shakespeare, Sonnet 116

I'm Accepted

My oldest nephew just turned four. He's adorable, funny, smart and inquisitive, as most kids his age are, but lately he's been asking a question that has surprised me; a question that has made me think carefully about life, God and the inner need we all have to be loved and accepted by those who matter most. His question is simply, "Daddy, am I your favorite?"

It may seem like an odd question for a 4-year-old to ask if you don't know his family. You see, Caedon is the oldest of three (soon to be four) boys, and as you can imagine by brother and sister-in-law have their hands full. It's easy to understand then why my nephew would see the other boys as a rival for his daddy's affection given that my brother can't possibly devote all of his attention to just one of them. But what truly amazes me about the question he's asking is that it indicates that at four years of age he's already grappling with the inner need to be loved and affirmed! This isn't because my brother and sister-in-law don't show their affection enough or do their best to ensure that Caedon is made to feel secure, but rather his question is an expression of that insecurity we ALL struggle with in life. We all need to know that we matter to those we look up to. And fortunately for my nephew, there is no shortage of praise and affirmation from my brother when the question is posed.

But what if my brother and his wife stopped there? What if my brother and sister-in-law never took the time to introduce my nephew to the One who truly matters most? I truly believe that they would fail my nephew if they neglected to introduce him to the unconditional love of the Heavenly Father. While the love and acceptance of our parents is crucial not just in childhood but even as adults as we venture into the world, there is a love and acceptance that is even more life-changing and eternal. The love of God. You see, human love can fail. We can mess up and disappoint those around us, and even in some cases cause those who matter to turn their backs on us. But the love of God never fails. His acceptance of us is unconditional. What is left for us is to choose whether or not to accept it and the grace He so freely gives.

While I want my nephew to be affirmed and built up every time he asks his daddy “am I your favorite?”, what I want more is to know that my nephew is being pointed to the One who can offer him eternal security. I want to know that my nephew can look beyond the validation of his parents and peers, and find his worth in the One who created him. I want to know that someday soon he’ll be asking God, “am I your favorite?”, and finding the arms of the Father open wide for him as he finds peace in a love that truly will last forever.

I may not be rich. Don't wear fashion clothes. Don't live in a mansion. Don't have much that shows. Never won a contest in popularity. Don't have much to offer, but Jesus still loves me. Never set a record in sports agility. Never was magnetic in personality. That don't really matter, I'll do the best I can. Cause there's a God above me Who Loves me like I am. If you think you're a loser when you fail, it seems, at everything you do. Just remember there's a Saviour, and you are worth enough He gave His life for you! I'm accepted. I'm accepted by the One Who matters most. ~DeGarmo & Key

My Mind is a Scary Place

While this may not be a huge revelation to my husband, those who don't know me well may be surprised at what I am about to reveal: my mind is a scary, scary place. In fact, if left to my thoughts and imagination long enough, I could honestly be certified insane! While some have deep thoughts about religion, politics, or their journey in life, when I sit down and attempt to journal or blog my mind goes on a funky tangent of bizarre ideas, unusual questions and generally odd wonderings.

My husband believes that it is this oddity about me that probably drew me to the now-ended show Gilmore Girls. While secretly I had to admit that I could relate alot to the characters of the show, and mainly with Lauren Graham's character "Lorelai Gilmore," there was one episode in the final season that 100% confirmed my husband's suspicisions. This scene had me crying with laughter and finally admitting that he was right. The episode was called "It's a Big Bad of Weird in There," and without further explanation of what goes on in my mind I leave you with the following lines from the scene to sum up:

Rory: Sounds like you're overthinking this. Maybe if you just put pen to paper --
Lorelai: I tried that. I thought, I'll just sit down and write whatever comes. No judgment, no inner critic -- boy, was that a bad idea.
Rory: Really? Why?
Lorelai: Because my brain is a wild jungle full of scary gibberish. "I'm writing a letter. I can't write a letter. Why can't I write a letter? I'm wearing a green dress. I wish I was wearing my blue dress. My blue dress is at the cleaners'. 'The Germans wore gray, you wore blue.' Casablanca. Casablanca's such a good movie. Casablanca. The White House. Bush. Why don't I drive a hybrid car? I should really drive a hybrid car. I should really take my bicycle to work. Bicycle, unicycle, unitard, hockey puck, rattlesnake monkey monkey underpants."
Rory: "Hockey puck rattlesnake monkey monkey underpants"?
Lorelai: "Exactly! That's what I'm saying. It's a big bag of weird in there!"

For the Love of Movies...

My husband and I love movies. We watch the Academy Awards every year, we spend much of our vacation time -- especially at Christmas and New Years -- catching up on movies we couldn't fit into our busy schedules, and we faithfully watch the AFI (American Film Institute) television specials "top 100" series when they air.

Personally, I get my love of movies -- especially older movies -- from my grandmother. As a child she introduced me to the wonders of actors and actresses such as Fred Astaire, Bing Crosby, Audrey Heppburn, and Cary Grant. Her love for film was contagious, and from her I have come to appreciate movies I would have never otherwise seen. Movies reflect the culture and attitudes of the day. Movies, like books, can take you to places you've never been and allow you to experience things you wouldn't normally experience. Movies find the kid in all of us. Movies can make us laugh, and even cry. But most of all, movies allow us to dream.

This past week Sherman I enjoyed watching AFI's 10th anniversary edition of the top "100 movies" of all time. We determined that we had watched just under 1/2 the movies on the list, and decided that it would be fun to spend the summer trying to watch the ones we hadn't see. Have you seen all 100 on this list?

1. Citizen Kane
2. The Godfather
3. Casablanca
4. Raging Bull
5. Singin' in the Rain
6. Gone with the Wind
7. Lawrence of Arabia
8. Schindler's List
9. Vertigo
10. The Wizard of Oz
11. City Lights
12. The Searchers
13. Star Wars
14. Psycho
15. 2001: A Space Odyssey
16. Sunset Blvd.
17. The Graduate
18. The General
19. On the Waterfront
20. It's a Wonderful Life
21. Chinatown
22. Some Like It Hot
23. The Grapes of Wrath
24. E.T. The Extra-Terrestrial
25. To Kill a Mockingbird
26. Mr. Smith Goes to Washington
27. High Noon
28. All About Eve
29. Double Indemnity
30. Apocalypse Now
31. The Maltese Falcon
32. The Godfather, Part II
33. One Flew Over the Cuckoo's Nest
34. Snow White and the Seven Dwarfs
35. Annie Hall
36. The Bridge on the River Kwai
37. The Best Years of Our Lives
38. The Treasure of the Sierra Madre
39. Dr. Strangelove
40. The Sound of Music
41. King Kong
42. Bonnie and Clyde
43. Midnight Cowboy
44. The Philadelphia Story
45. Shane
46. It Happened One Night
47. A Streetcar Named Desire
48. Rear Window
49. Intolerance
50. The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring
51. West Side Story
52. Taxi Driver
53. The Deer Hunter
54. M*A*S*H*
55. North by Northwest
56. Jaws
57. Rocky
58. The Gold Rush
59. Nashville
60. Duck Soup
61. Sullivan's Travels
62. American Graffiti
63. Cabaret
64. Network
65. The African Queen
66. Raiders of the Lost Ark
67. Who's Afraid of Virginia Woof?
68. Unforgiven
69. Tootsie
70. A Clockwork Orange
71. Saving Private Ryan
72. The Shawshank Redemption
73. Butch Cassidy and the Sundance Kid
74. The Silence of the Lambs
75. In the Heat of the Night
76. Forrest Gump
77. All the President's Men
78. Modern Times
79. The Wild Bunch
80. The Apartment
81. Spartacus
82. Sunrise
83. Titanic
84. Easy Rider
85. A Night at the Opera
86. Platoon
87. 12 Angry Men
88. Bringing Up Baby
89. The Sixth Sense
90. Swing Time
91. Sophie's Choice
92. Goodfellas
93. The French Connection
94. Pulp Fiction
95. The Last Picture Show
96. Do the Right Thing
97. Blade Runner
98. Yankee Doodle Dandy
99. Toy Story
100. Ben-Hur

Don't Judge a Book By It's Cover!

Ever heard of Paul Potts? Chances are if you have been watching the news or entertainment headlines you have. But I was introduced to him today thanks to a colleague who told me his inspiring story. Intrigued by the story, I went home after work and quickly logged on to YouTube to see what all the fuss was about. I get it now.

Born in 1971 in the South Wales, Paul struggled with self confidence early on thanks to the bullying he endured from other kids at school. According to interviews he's done recently, he found singing as a way to escape the bullying and slowly began to love opera. In 1999 he entered a music contest and, although he did not win, he did place and took home some money which paid for singing lessons in Italy. But his dreams of an operatic career were shattered in 2003 when an accident left him bed ridden for two years. He was told he's never sing again.

In 2003 while on the road to recovery he met and married his wife Julie and started working as a mobile phone salesman. Struggling with his self confidence and yet still dreaming about singing, he told his coworkers about his love for singing opera. They encouraged him to audition for "Britain's Got Talent." And that's when the world was introduced to Paul Potts:

He may not look like he has much to offer, and even he admits that he's still working on rebuilding the confidence that was stripped away from him by the bullies of his youth. But with the support of his friends and wife who pushed him to follow his dreams, Paul Potts is a testimony to all of us. Don't judge a book by it's cover, and don't let adversity keep you from being who you were born to be.

P.S. For those unfamiliar with Paul Potts, as I was, he went on to win "Britain's Got Talent" and has signed a recording deal. Watch for this 36-year-old diamond in the rough... we'll be seeing a lot more of him!

"You're It!"

Apparently I've been "tagged." I didn't realize it until I logged on, by chance, to Meghan's blog, but none-the-less "I'm it"! The rules are as follows:

1. Each player starts with 8 random facts/habits about themselves.
2. People who are tagged, write a blog post about their own 8 random things, and post these rules.
3. At the end of your post you need to tag 8 people and include their names.
4. You may need to leave them a comment and tell them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

So here it goes:

1. I am a neat-freak, especially when it comes to my house. Everything has its place, I clean constantly and find joy in cleaning and seeing the house spotless.

2. I was a horrible child. Between the ages of 6 and 9 I gave my parents a serious run for their money. They actually wondered at some point if I was demon-spawned! ;-) Through those years I cheated, stole, lied, abused, bullied, etc. and even got a boy in my 3rd grade class expelled for something I claimed he did (but he didn't do).

3. I love public speaking but am horribly shy and avoid crowds. Given the opportunity to address a crowd on a topic I am passionately about, I enjoy the challenge of crafting and delivering a message. And yet, I avoid crowds, hate being the center of attention and do everything possible to blend in and not be noticed on a day-to-day basis. Strange, I know.

4. I dream of opening a bed & breakfast/inn somewhere beautiful and welcoming people from all parts of the world.

5. If given the opportunity to quit my job and be a stay-at-home wife (and someday mother), I would quit without a moment's thought. I love being home, caring for my hubby, and supporting my hubby in his ministry.

6. I have a spicy "chocolate chilly pepper marriage!" We are both strong, stubborn, independent people, which makes our marriage spicy; but we are committed, totally in love and passionate about our marriage which coats it in chocolate!

7. I never thought I'd be a pastor's wife, let along serving in a Chinese Church! I certainly don't feel like a pastor's wife...

8. I have eaten guinea pig, climbed an active volcano, straddled the northern and southern hemisphere at the same time, lived through military coups, earthquakes and mudslides and felt the sting of tear gas. Such is the life of a missionary kid! Whoo hoo!

I tag Jenny, Drew, Jim, Andrea, David, and Salla. That's it.

Be Still...

Ever have one of those days? One of those days when from morning to night you are on the go, head full of information, things to do and not enough time in the day? When days like that pile up, it's good to day a "quiet" day... a day just to be quiet, do nothing, think of nothing... a day to rest. We all need it. Whether it be a vacation, a day off, a sick day, or a weekend, we all need a day or two to unwind, regroup, refocus and rejuvenate.

So it is with the Christian life. Our walk with God can have days like this too -- days when the battle is fierce, the temptations are everywhere, demands are coming from all sides, and time feels short. And just like our "worldly" days, for lack of a better word, we need days in our Christian walk to rest, be quiet, reflect and rejuvenate. The Bible calls it "being still," being quiet before the Almighty and recognizing that He is God. Time to rest in His love, drink in His promises, focus on the strength of His faithfulness and just be still.

So take a "still day" or hour, and come into the presence of the lover of your soul. Drink in His love, draw on His strength and find rest for your weary heart. In doing so, you'll find a way to cope with the spiritual battles that come your way, but also a way to cope with the day-to-day chaos all around you.

"Come to me, all you who are weary and burdened, and I will give you rest." (Matt 11:28)
"Be still and know that I am God..." (Psalm 46:10)

Confessions of Draftee

I remember it like it was yesterday. Sitting on a small bed, in a strange room, looking at the iron bars on the window that made the room feel more like a prison, and sobbing over and over “I want to go home!” It was our first night in Ecuador, and I was homesick for Canada and terrified.

Fast forward 10 years later to May 29, 1991 –- my highschool graduation day. Standing in a long line in what had become known as the “wailing wall,” with my classmates on either side of me. Friends, family, teachers and other students hugging me, wishing me well, and crying. As tears streamed down my face, I sobbed over and over “I want to stay! I want to stay!”

Such is the emotional roller coaster of the MK life. Constantly being confronted by new and scary experiences. Always being forced to make new friends, while wondering how long they will be in your life for. Experiencing heart break as friends, who have become like family, come and go. It is a wonderful, exciting, challenging, and bitter-sweet life. And I wouldn’t trade my experience on the mission field for anything.

I was eight years of age when we set foot for the first time in Quito, Ecuador. Old enough to be angry with my parents for tearing me away from my school, my friends and my beloved grand-parents. Old enough to understand how hard it is to make new friends. And, old enough to make sure my parents knew just how angry I was at them. As someone once put it, missionaries are called to the mission field… but missionary kids are drafted.

While I’m not proud to say that I spent our first few years on the field ensuring that my parents “paid” for what they had done to me, I am pleased to say that I got through that rough patch and eventually came to the place where, 10 yeas later, I was literally begging to stay. I attribute that change in heart in part to the amazing teachers at the school my brothers and I attended. Missionaries themselves, their soul purpose on the mission field was to come alongside the MKs to educate, affirm and befriend us in the unique setting we found ourselves in. Today, more than 15 years later, I am still in contact with many of them and honoured to count them as trusted friends.

I also owe my change in heart to my grandparents and the many men, women and churches in North America that supported my parents both financially and through prayer. The prayers they said for me –- especially in those first few years when I gave my parents a hard time –- were crucial, as were their letters, care packages, and extra attention when we returned on furlough. Nothing is more important to a missionary family than constant contact with “home!”

But most importantly, I must acknowledge the tremendous impact of my parents, who though called to a demanding, full-time ministry as missionaries, never once made me feel like I was second fiddle. They did all they could to help me adjust to our new life, provided as normal a life as possible, and made it very clear that their family came first – even if it meant leaving it all to return to North America. I’ve seen first-hand the devastation that can explode in a missionary family when the parents put too high a priority on the work they have been called to and not enough emphasis on the family God has blessed them with. I’m a so grateful that my parents understood this delicate balance.

While I would not have been able to say this at eight years of age, at 34 I can confidently say that my experience as a missionary kid is the best thing that every could have happened to me. I remember with fondness earthquakes and mud slides, climbing volcanoes, eating bugs, military coups, and jungle adventures. I feel honoured to have been part of a close-knit missionary community, to see the hand of God move in miraculous ways, and to hear voices praising God in a variety languages. I am an MK, and I’m proud of it!